come sit and stone with me

The Ghost of Christmas Presents

2011-12-24T02:03:00.004+08:00

My family kinda stopped doing Christmas presents a while ago, probably when the adults realized that the kids were all growing up and those random toys/weird sparkly hair accessories weren't gonna hold a special place in our hearts anymore. Still, I miss doing theChristmas shopping for everyone. It was like a really fun challenge to pick something special for every person on the list that, if not useful, was at least nice to look at (because I hate ugly things). This year we didn't even put up our tree for the first time in about 20 years and I don't think anyone in the family's doing Christmas shopping. I feel like surprising everyone with a present or something but there isn't anymore time before Christmas plus I'm kinda broke after paying all my fines :( And my Africa trip is supposed to be my Christmas/birthday present from the family but I think I'm gonna get something for myself too.

The new Nikon V1. To fill the compact shaped void in my camera junkie life. It's RM 2858 which is 890AUD which is 55 hours of work. Challenge accepted!

Come at me malaria!

2011-12-21T01:38:00.002+08:00

Just got all my vaccinations for Zambia today - 5 of them at the same time. The doc considerately put the non painful ones (meningococcal, yellow fever) on the right arm but all the painful ones together on the left (typhoid, tetanus, flu) so now my left arm is aching like there's a bruise there which is continuously being punched. Hope I'll be able to climb tomorrow because right now I can barely lift my arm up to tie my hair.

Also, either I'm being attacked by bed bugs which is freaking gross or I'm getting my third case of chicken pox. Either way I hope the dots disappear soon because we're FINALLY going into the dive pool next week. WOOHOO!

In other news, apparently there are some people out there reading this so hi :)

phew

2011-12-19T21:50:00.003+08:00

Being camp 'medic' is kinda scary when you're only half a doctor and there are as many injuries as there were during this year's camp. Luckily no one got hurt crazily bad but I was still giving out panadols at an alarming rate and by the end of camp almost the whole box was gone. Unofficially, there were:

- 3 cuts/scrapes/wounds to bandage per day
- 2 people coming down with flu/fever/headaches/sore throat per day
- 1 sprained finger
- 1 injured back
- 1 mysterious insect sting which actually looked pretty bad
- Fen's weird and kinda scary falling sick episode
- 1 broken toenail
- 1 stomped on toe (2 if I count mine)

Like Eugene said, some of the guys could have used some man up pills (manadol, not panadol?) because they came looking for plasters over the smallest of flappers and scrapes whereas the girl who got stung took it like a champ. When that happened, we also found out that there were no ice cubes present on the entire campsite so instead of icing the sting, she had to strawberry popsicle it. The anti emetic pills were a huge hit so for the next Chefoo camp I should remember to get more than 20 pills. Especially when there are 87 campers to fight over them on the bus ride home. It felt like some Survivor moment where the contestants have been stranded on some random island for too long and someone comes in with a tray of cupcakes. Eyes would light up and all of a sudden it's survival of the fittest. First come first serve.

Amazing race was great because it was my first win EVER after 15 races! :D Picking up the last clue and seeing Francis' riddles there felt so good because it was the only time I've ever been useful in a race. Due to my COMPLETE lack of sense though, I ended up directing Eugene, Su and a couple other more teams down the wrong jungle trail for 1.5 hours which I felt supremely bad for, especially when it started to pour while they were still stuck in the jungle but they were still super forgiving about it.

So camp was great as usual. It seems to go differently every year now in terms of fellowship, worship etc but it never fails to be good :)

Thank you God

2011-12-14T11:41:00.007+08:00

The last few days were a big mess of anxiety, depression and disappointment bordering on self loathing. Because a while ago, our credit points were released ahead of the results and I had 10CP less which led me to infer that I had failed pharm because pharm was the last exam and I completely fell apart the night before and didn't manage to learn a single thing and essentially bombed the crap out of the paper. Then my status changed to 'under consideration' which is where there is a board meeting to discuss the borderline cases and decide whether to fail us or pass us. And if I borderline failed I'd have to fly back to Perth in Jan to sit for supps and cancel the Africa trip whereas if I outright failed I'd have to repeat 3rd year which would probably lead to several attempted suicides.

I was praying pretty hard while waiting for the results because I definitely didn't want to go through 3rd year all over again. At the same time supps seemed like quite a realistic possibility so I started convincing myself that supps might not be too terrible a thing (if I don't go to Africa, I'd have more time to spend in KL etc). But overall the thought of failing a unit was pretty depressing and I was so mad at myself for not working harder and trying harder. Anyway, results came out today and thanks to nothing less than a miracle, I passed with 50% on the dot. And I can't imagine anyone other than God being responsible for it because I haven't exactly been a model med student (in terms of attendance) or getting stellar marks. So this is a huge thank you to God and also a reminder to my future self NOT to be such a slacker.

Also to my med/non med friends (who will probably never see this)- thanks for offering all your notes and past years and to help me study and generally being super supportive :)

all the lonely people

2011-12-07T17:57:00.003+08:00

Something really sad I read today here

One of my fears (and also the main reason why I don't like the USA) used to be that I'd one day lose the connection with all the people who know me and become just a nameless faceless drifter. That I'd just slip into the folds of a busy city and disappear into the crowd. Thankfully, I have friends and family and the church at home to keep me anchored to something but, super cliche-dly, sometimes I feel more alone surrounded by people than I do when I'm by myself. If only there could be a safety net to catch all the lonely people who fall through the cracks of the happy society, and keep us all together so that we'd know that lonely people are not alone.

The fear of being forgotten or neglected, the fear that if you die today nobody would notice. Nobody would miss you or care that you're gone. I feel it too. But I hope all my friends know that if they died or disappeared, I would miss them. And I would notice. And I would feel that the world isn't as nice a place without them around.

Isaac Newton is a badass

2011-12-07T15:42:00.001+08:00

2011-12-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

i know there are greater tragedies in life like death, disease and poverty. but when you fail for the first time and have to face the fact that you're not smart enough for this course it can feel pretty shit indeed.

meant to bee

2011-12-05T19:44:00.004+08:00

Just got back from the weekend of Cheryl & Simon's wedding celebrations and it was too beautiful. I've only known them for a short 3 years but even I was bursting with happiness for both of them. After all, it's not often you encounter a couple so openly loving, doting and devoted and when you do, you can't help rooting for them to make it all the way to marriage.

It was the sweetest wedding ever :)

Something cool to watch

2011-12-02T01:19:00.001+08:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love trains?

Home

2011-12-01T16:17:00.005+08:00

It feels great to be back home. There's nothing like the comfort of knowing you belong in this place, surrounded by people who love you and look after you.

Yet, weirdly I kinda miss my apartment back in Perth and the perks of living alone. I have to blog about it someday because I doubt I'll ever get the chance to live on my own again and I want to be able to remind myself how wonderfully free that life was. Sure, housemates are great and fun and family is irreplaceable but being alone equals nobody barging into your room without knocking; nobody calling your name from downstairs when you're in the middle of something; eating whenever you feel like it (also bad because sometimes it means not eating at all); making your own plans at your own leisure; walking around without pants on in summer - seriously, super liberating.

People who don't live alone always ask isn't it sad to be on your own? Don't you get lonely? And my answer is always NO! IT'S GLORIOUS! Your whole world becomes me - time and you start to find solace in simple things like a cup of coffee before uni in the morning and the perfect batch of chicken curry. If I ever get the chance to in the future, I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

whatever gets you through the day

2011-11-28T14:59:00.004+08:00

constant reminders to be numb

feelings get hurt? just be numb

feel forgotten? just be numb

people drifting away? just be numb

disappointed? just be numb

2011-11-21T02:57:00.002+08:00

i feel like i'm filled with a dry empty desert

and it's so vast and so big that there is no room for water, or life

you can look in any direction but there is only infinite sand as far as you can see

so that's me. the walking Gobi

WELL

2011-11-19T16:27:00.005+08:00

Thank God for Jason who came along last night and started quizzing me on ID because if I didn't feel like a complete idiot from not knowing 80% of the answers and if that didn't scare me into memorizing all the stupid things, I probably would have flunked today and driven my car into the swan river to escape repeating 3rd year.

Seriously, those were some ridiculous questions. We all memorized treatments, symptoms, complications etc for chlam and gono and instead he goes 'Where in Australia are gono rates higher than chlam?' ..... And we memorized the Duke's and Jones' back to front but instead he goes 'What does PIRO stand for?' In the malaria lecture: 'Do thick and thin blood films' What got tested: 'What is the advantage of thick films over thin?' /FLIPTABLE A girl has symptoms of Chagas. Yay I know the parasite and the vector and the treatment and all the things! Come at me bro! 'What is the shape of the organism seen in the blood?' What is the sexual form of malaria? (got this wrong :( ) 'What vaccine can immunize against Autralian bat lyssavirus (a grand total of one passing mention in 2000+ slides)' 'What infection is Terbenefine PBS subsidised for?' And the answer is Tinea Unguium onychomycosis right? right? WRONG. It's microphyton! Gotcha! Ok that one was kinda obvious because the rest of the choices weren't even dermatophytes but still. WHAT A TROLLER.

Anyway glad it's over. Now time for pharm which I still have 14 untouched lectures to cover and then 38 to rememorize and then it's over!!!! Can't believe exams are finally gonna be over and I can resume normal living

the cool kids will always be cool

2011-11-17T16:05:00.002+08:00

but i have such a huge thing for the awkwardly deliberate and slow; like old people who shuffle along in Coles, putting things like 1 packet of pasta and 1 tomato in their trolley or giraffes or elephants. And the guy sitting opposite me who pulled his laptop out of this plastic wrapper (like the kind that magazines come in, the one with the sticky flap) and accidentally tore the wrapper so he crushed it up very slowly and put it in his bag. And then took out his stack of notes and placed it very neatly on the table. Now he appears to be drawing Venn diagrams. Also, he has a beard. Adorbs.

thank God for small favors

2011-11-17T00:31:00.006+08:00

Ok so now I know what happens when your car runs out of gas - because it just happened to me. I was driving back from uni when my car suddenly started to slow down, and then shudder, and then it just stopped. And this was in the middle of Stirling Highway so I was just SHIT. I turned on my hazard lights and tried restarting the engine and all the weird lights on my dashboard came on which I didn't know the meanings of and then I started to panic a bit because I didn't know what to do and my phone batt was close to dying. Then out of nowhere the police came along with their lights flashing which freaked me out a bit but they were nice and one of them tried starting my car and said it was probably because my fuel tank was empty and OK before you go 'duh if there's no petrol in your car it's not gonna move' and judge me for being a woman driver, the fuel gauge was on the SECOND last empty bar not the last so I definitely wasn't expecting it to stop right now and it's exam time so there's no time to pump petrol so don't judge me. So anyway, I went to walk down to the petrol station to buy a can of petrol which cost a lot because the empty can itself is $12 (??) and poured it half into the fuel tank, half onto my hands and feet and whee!! the car started again.

So that was my breakdown on Sitrling Highway adventure

But while that was happening I was seriously thinking, thank God for so many things. First of all, thank God the printers in the Gat room weren't working because if they were I probably would have stayed there to print stuff and gone home much later when the police weren't in the area to help me not freak out so much. And thank GOD that tonight was the only night in like 2 weeks that I decided to go home early instead of at 4 am because I don't even know what I can do if I break down at 4 in the morning. On the other hand, thank God that it was midnight and Stirling Highway was kinda empty so I didn't have to stop in the middle of the road and get knocked down by hundreds of cars. Also, thank God that I only broke down about 1km away from the station and it was easy to walk there. And thank God for sending so many helpful people, seriously. The police stopped, and then one more guy stopped while I was thinking what to do and he gave me the RAC number (which was useless because they don't operate after 5pm = ??) and then a cyclist stopped to ask if I needed help and then ANOTHER driver stopped while I was pouring in the petrol. Thank you Perth people, for being so nice and helpful! If you stop to help in KL you get mugged so I don't think anyone would have stopped if I were back home. Also thank GOD THAT TOMORROW'S EXAM IS FCP AND NOT ID OR PHARM because if it were, I'd probably be dead right now from mentally breaking down and freaking out to death.

So yeah. my car broke down while I was driving alone in the middle of the night before an exam but there are so many ways it could have been much more catastrophic so thank God for watching over me. Now I gotta somehow wash the petrol off my feet. Lesson learned: never drive with no petrol and always keep baby wipes in your car.

2011-11-15T02:47:00.002+08:00

shit shit shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DISEASES?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

gonna fail path

because i've freaking forgotten all the different thyroid, breast, cervix, ovary, parathyroid, bone, etc etc etc diseases i've spent weeks memorising. suddenly 6 hours feels so short. KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2011-11-14T05:09:00.001+08:00

please God let me pass these exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fernweh

2011-11-11T21:05:00.006+08:00

Unlike so many people, I can't say I've ever really had wanderlust. Sure, I love to travel and see the world but only knowing that there is home to come back to at the end of it. I'm not adventure hungry, I'm more about constants, resistance to change, familiarity. Even the littlest changes (like when my car got sold) drive me into a sentimental frenzy. After 3 years in Perth I still get that ache for KL that comes out of nowhere. So it's kind of weird that lately I've been having thoughts about uprooting and disappearing to another place: a foreign country that is more like a foreign world. Spain maybe. Or my beloved Paris. Or Japan. Maybe Bali since according to Eat, Pray, Love it is very easy to live in Bali. Just somewhere far away where I'd know nobody and have no friends. I would probably fail miserably at re establishing myself in a brand new society and live out the rest of my days in isolation but who cares. Because what's the point of staying in a place where your existence is gradually being forgotten, and you matter less and less to your surroundings everyday. If this place doesn't hold any love for you anymore, it's better to leave it right? This is not a boohoo my friends don't like me anymore so I am emo post, it's just something that's on my mind. There are only so few people left whom I can call real friends and even those fragile connections are quickly dissolving thanks to time and distance.

They say that if you're brave and strong, you wouldn't run away. Rather, you're supposed to stand your ground and face your problems. I think running takes courage too. It's hard to leave behind everything you know and start somewhere else all over again. Sadly, I'm neither strong enough to face any problems nor brave enough to leave. I guess I'll just be stuck here in limbo for some time then. Neither here nor there but nobody cares..la la la

Great Samaritan

2011-11-09T02:25:00.008+08:00

I just saw the most amazing thing happen at the Hungry Jack's driveway. I was there with two other cars in front of me. The lady in the front car was waiting at the window for her food and I was sitting there with my window down when an old homeless man came shuffling into the driveway. Maybe he wasn't homeless but his clothes looked quite shabby and dirty and his beard was overgrown. Anyway, I was there having just ordered and when I saw him my heart broke a bit because I have a thing for sad looking old people in general. The thought popped into my head of calling him back and buying him some food but I was struck by a moment of should I really? because he was already walking away from my car. It's quite a cold night tonight and his clothes didn't look very warm so he probably could use some hot food to eat at least. While I was deciding what to do, he was already about 3 cars away and getting further and I only had $10 with me and I thought (this I'm quite ashamed of) what if he is drunk and turns aggressive?? As I hesitated to do anything, the lady in the front car got out and yelled after him

"HEY! Are you okay? Do you want a meal?"

Then the old man walked back up to her car and they talked for a while and she must have offered him a ride somewhere because he got into her car and she bought him food and then they drove off. And I was like omg. I just witnessed the most amazing act of kindness. How ashamed I felt of my own passiveness and cynicism. Maybe it is a product of growing up in KL where stopping to help a broken down motorist can get you mugged or killed but in the face of such blatant goodness, I only feel foolish for trying to 'think smart' and not help the old man.

Anyway I hope I remember this moment forever in case there ever comes another time where I have the chance to do good for someone who will never be able to do anything in return for me. Faith in humanity officially restored

Schrodinger's cat

2011-11-08T20:38:00.006+08:00

Probably NOT the right employment of this concept but moving on..

At the moment my life feels kind of in a state of suspended reality. I've been mugging as hard as I can these past few weeks to learn the whole sem's worth of lectures (not one of which I've attended. Smack on the hand for me) and yet, it still feels like it is not enough to secure me a pass. So I keep going back and forth between subjects and outcomes. What happens if I don't pass? I'll have to retake the year. Or fly back early for supps. Do I know enough ID to pass? Maybe. Then I look at the past year papers and oh God, definitely not. But after careful calculations, I only need about 30% of the paper to pass. That's not too bad. But can I get 30%. Maybe. Pharm is the last paper so you can worry about that after ID. But there are so many lectures. What about path? Oh shit. Just give up now, you'll never pass path.

All this back and forth worrying is driving me slightly crazy I think.

In a way the exams will be kind of a release. Like opening the box, it will force reality to take either one path and then it will all be out of my hands. After that I either get enough marks to pass, or I don't. I hate having enormous responsibilities (so why am I becoming a doctor, I know right) so holding my own fate in my hands is incredibly wearying. It feels weird to simultaneously loathe and anticipate these exams but that's how it is.

I should be cramming UTIs right now instead of fantasizing about the finish line but my brain is so worn out from learning hep B and the guy behind me keeps uncapping his pens, writing something, capping them again and dropping them on the table one after the other, which is quite distracting. Anyways. Back to ID. Did you know that under the Wikipedia page for Hep B, breastfeeding is listed under casual contact? Just a fun fact in case you were bored of shaking hands and wanted a new way to greet strangers

2011-11-06T21:10:00.004+08:00

So how's your diet like normally?

Oh lately pretty unhealthy. There's only been time for instant noodles, McD's and $2 pies from IGA. Redbull and V instead of water. I eat lots of junk food too while studying.

No fruits or vegies?

The last time I ate a fruit was a month ago and the vege compartment in my fridge is completely empty.

I see.

An exam diet for exam season. My house looks like a disaster zone too because I've just been shuttling back and forth between the library and GAT room, only going home at 4/5am to shower and sleep. This morning I was forced to stay home to do laundry because I'm out of clean clothes and finally looking around the apartment, I actually started itching to clean it up. At the moment there are papers all over the floor, McD's wrappers piled up in the bin and coffee cups all in the sink. I've ben oblivious to this mess because (apart from the fact that it's my natural state of existence) as soon as I walk in the door, I just zero in on my bed and stay there. Someone should really explore the drastic change in students' living conditions during exam periods because seeing how quickly my civilized habits deteriorate and boil down to just what I need to do to survive makes me wonder if other students also become as grossly feral as I do.

If I could have one wish right now, I would wish to be one of those people who just love studying. Those people who don't have to make themselves sit down for 3 hours to learn a lecture, they'd just want to all by themselves. And facebook would be more of a nuisance than a siren song. And they'd absorb and retain everything they read because they just LOVE to learn. How I wish I had that instead of my natural state of constant inertness. Yes, my laziness is my own fault and bad habits can be changed but how incredibly nice it would be for once to have a quick fix for the things you hate about yourself

the most random science library announcement ever

2011-11-03T13:33:00.004+08:00

"Attention please. Good luck for your exams students; I have been in charge of the science library since we moved in here so please look after it well. Thank you," And then everyone clapped bewilderedly. LOL. Science lib, this is why I love you.

This is a blog post because I wanted to document it forever but it's too long for twitter

#MLIA

the time i almost failed the driving test before getting in the car but then i passed

2011-11-03T10:00:00.004+08:00

Whee! Just passed my driving test which feels exhilarating and also a lil bit self validating because everybody knows that a Malaysian driving license doesn't really count. Tragedy almost struck in the beginning when the examiner told me to get in the car in the parking lot and signal so he could check my indicator and brake lights. So I rushed to open the door and start the engine and APPARENTLY if you start the car without getting in first, it's an automatic fail. When he told me that I started freaking out intensely in my head thinking how loser it would be to fail before even putting the gear in drive but then I guess he was having a good day because he decided to let me not fail. Then thank God I got asked to parallel park instead of reverse because he said he was "impressed" so yay I got to redeem myself. And also, I got told that I was driving too slow so my plan for ultra safe driving almost backfired. How ironic, considering I've already donated $550 to the government in speeding fines.

Anyways woohoo! Super happy now and pumped to study because the library is already full at 10am so I'm feeling the kiasu vibe. Seriously, the feeling of tension when 8 people get into the library lift and all head to the same floor for a table really gets your adrenaline rushing.

2011-11-02T20:25:00.003+08:00

FINALLY, my driving test is tomorrow morning! Don't know what else I can do to prepare myself for it other than maybe go out and practise reverse parking about 20 times. Wow blogger is underlining my 'practise' in red. Has it never heard of the verb practise? Anyway. I took a couple of lessons just in case and THANK GOD I did because according to the instructor, I've been driving all wrong for the last 3 years. Or rather, all Wong because according to the radio it's of the norm for Asians to constantly drive around in a state of panicky manic. His favourite phrase in the car was "Why??" as in "Why are you zooming out like a rocket?" "Why are you speeding towards the traffic light?" "Why don't you slow down at corners?""What? Why? Whaat are you DOINGG?" Nevertheless, I remain optimistic that as long as I drive at half the speed I normally do tomorrow, it should all be fine. Fingers crossed. Also, I've been told that contrary to the norm and also my own personal belief, my parallel parking is lightyears ahead of my reverse parking in terms of better-ness. Very strange. But not saying much as my reverse parking is as abysmal as my ability to drive under the speed limit.

So I'm hoping all goes well tomorrow and I pass and that today would have been my last day of driving illegally! (In that I never once put L plates on my car like I'm supposed to)

The year of the many iconic deaths

2011-10-31T22:51:00.008+08:00

New footage posted on Facebook shows the moments when Gadhafi was dragged by revolutionary fighters up the hill to their vehicles. The young men screaming "Moammar, you dog!" beat the confused-looking Gadhafi, who wipes at blood covering the left side of his head and neck and left shoulder.
Gadhafi gestures to the young men to be patient, and says "What's going on?" as he wipes fresh blood from his temple and glances at his palm. A young fighter later is shown carrying a boot and screaming, "This is Moammar's shoe! This is Moammar's shoe! Victory! Victory!"
The next point that most accounts agree upon is that Gadhafi died about 30-40 minutes later as he was being taken in an ambulance to Misrata. A coroners report said he bled to death from a shot to the head, and he also had shots to the chest and belly. Accounts have been confused, however, over where and how those fatal shots were suffered.

Scenes of death, especially when it is a killing, are always saddening, no matter how wicked the dying person is. Maybe because in those final moments when a villain has lost the capacity for any bad deeds or hate crimes, or even any basic self defence, he becomes vulnerable like a child. That's why I found it sad in a way, how Osama was ambushed and shot dead and the way Gaddafi was dragged about like a broken man in his final moments. It's like they became reduced to nothing before being extinguished. One can only imagine the frenzy and panic they were feeling, counting your breaths knowing you will soon be gone from the earth. I'm not saying they didn't deserve this end, considering the horrific things they've done; I'm just saying that reading things like this will never not sadden me. Maybe I can only feel this way because nothing these two people did ever really affected me. I probably need to be Libyan or American to understand the joy. As of now, however, I can only see the brutality.

2011-10-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

oh my goddd there's no other way to say it

path you are such a bitch. i hate you

we are officially over so

screw you

38 lectures. 6 hours to memorise lecture. srsly kill me now.

omg

2011-10-15T00:03:00.004+08:00

honestly, living alone is one of the only things making perth bearable at the moment. in this depressing environment, my only comfort is in knowing that no matter how shit the days are in uni (almost all of them), i have a place of my own to come back to when they end. my home in perth feels like more than just a home, it's like a refuge. it's my safe house in a hostile city. somewhere where i can finally feel like myself again instead of a face put on to meet other faces. somewhere where i don't have to care about fitting in or if i'm stupider than everyone else or if i'm doing a degree i hate. don't have to deal with any gossip or drama here because i can't hear it so i don't care what's being said. no feigning fascination in things that don't interest me, no discussing work and lectures as if spending forever trying to comprehend these things aren't enough.

so next year, my blissful 18 months of living alone will end and i have to move in with my brother. nothing will ever be as great as this current set up but that won't be too bad. what's driving me ballistic instead is the prospect of moving into my brother's homestay for a whole sem. so that's a whole sem of rules and fussiness, gingerly taking turns with the bathroom and kitchen. no cooking after hours probably. little privacy and so little freedom. the direction my life is heading in already feels like a tightening cage. how i wish i could work round the clock to afford the peace and release of living alone. JUST to have a place to escape to, away from the sloughs of med despond.

i realise that i'll probably never have the chance to live alone ever again. i guess i'm grateful that i even got to experience it but for once i wish that these 6 weeks i have left in perth will drag on forever so that the inevitable end will be delayed. sigh. this post was more panic induced than anything so it probably doesn't explain very well why my heart breaks to think of giving up this apartment but it does break. and the thought of homestay makes it break even more. abrupt end to this post because i have nothing else to say. gonna go savour cooking indomee in my kitchen while i still can

2011-10-11T19:51:00.002+08:00

Ugh. The path lecture notes are so shit. It's like

Lecture notes:

Ron Harry Hermione

Tareq's ultra notes aka the path bible:

Ron Weasley, born 1st March 1980 was a pure blood wizard, sixth son of Molly and Arthur Weasley. He is younger brother of Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George and older brother of Ginny . He began attending Hogwarts in 1991 and was sorted into Gryffindor. He became best friends with Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. He also became a Gryffindor prefect and keeper of the Quidditch team during his fifth year of Hogwarts. In the 1998 battle of Hogwarts, he lost his brother Fred which devastated him.

What gets tested:

What is Ron's shoe size

path

2011-10-11T15:37:00.002+08:00

reading path notes feels like reading in spanish. every word is foreign and might as well be meaningless. not to say that spanish is meaningless. it is actually quite a nice language. papedipoopedi. oh wait no, that's italian. i wish i had the time to learn mandarin or french. being only bilingual feels kinda pathetic. and one of the linguals is an almost useless language so it's more like mono and a halflingual.

where the hell did all these noisy talking high school kids come from and WHY ARE THEY IN THE UWA LIBRARY???

2011-10-10T20:21:00.004+08:00

Wouldn't it be so great if smells could be captured and immortalized just like pictures can. Imagine having your favourite scent in the world saved on your desktop and you'd never have to worry about it fading, all you have to do is click your mouse and you can smell it again. I think compared to all the other senses, smell is one of the most underrated ones. Probably everyone ranks eyes at the top. Ears comes next because we can't live without music and then taste because food is glorious food. And then smell/touch is kind of tied. I thought I wouldn't have minded losing smell it I had to give up one but now I'm not so sure.

Anyway all this was brought on because a few months back I stumbled upon this amaaazing smelling soap. Like the best soap I've ever smelled in my life. There's no way to describe it other than it is the CLEANEST smell I've ever smelled. And I'm kind of obsessed about smelling clean. Like, I always use lighter, fruity soaps compared to creamy vanilla soap because they leave a cleaner and sharper smell. I also adore that Polo blue cologne because it is the exact smell of being freshly showered. And I use baby lotion as moisturiser because it just smells so nice and clean. Yea I know. Bordering on Jean Baptiste Grenouille weird but whatever. Back to the soap - I just found out that they DISCONTINUED it. And I haven't seen them around the shops anywhere so the few bottles I have are probably the last ones which leaves me in a dilemma - use them or hoard them? :(( This always happens to me like the time body shop discontinued my rose moisturiser and I tried to drag out my last bottle for so long that it started to get quite gross and separated. And also the time they changed the sunsilk shampoo so that it didn't smell the same anymore - I went and bought 3 huge bottles of my favourite smell to keep me going. In the end they got left in kl and now I dunno where they are.

What a useless post.

I guess smells are worth more than people give them credit for. Some smells have memories so strongly attached to them that even after so many years, a random whiff of one in the street will make me stop in my tracks and look around. Even now I associate the smell of walking up to Mr Tan's tuition with a special kind of happiness. I remember Madam Shirley's perfume and our love hate relationship with her. And I promise, I haven't been actively sniffing people but some of my friends have a smell and when someone else in Perth walks by leaving behind that smell I get an intense feeling of homesickness. Like I said, I wish scents could be preserved forever the way pictures can because some things I know I will never smell again. And that makes me quite sad.

2011-10-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

ARGH! Haven't been able to focus for the last 5 hours and as a result I'm STILL studying antiemetics which is actually useful knowledge to have in my life for once since I get motion sickness at the sight of anything moving too fast. Even on screen. Like the movie Cloverfield for example how lame is that.

I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am definitely going to fail 3rd year. No amount of mugging I do can ever save me now. Not even if I study 100 lectures a day. Probably the only thing I should aim for is a HD in FCP so that I don't have to take it again when I repeat the year and go through the agony of research proposal all over. Maybe I should start preparing my parents to accept the fact also instead of giving them false hope so it won't come as such a huge shock. Maybe they read my blog which is a whole nother bag of horror altogether but whatever.. If they do, remember mom & dad, you heard it here first! I'm gonna fail so try to be ok with it.

Anyone who knows how to cook up some dexis please ring me now. I'll pay you handsomely in subway cookies.

Dominic Wilcox

2011-10-08T12:38:00.005+08:00

Sometime last year I stumbled across this guy's website. He's kind of an unconventional artist in that he doesn't do normal paintings or sculptures, his art is more quirky and fun. I love seeing all these outpourings of creativity - it's the reason I'm so hooked on shows like Project Runway and ANTM (ok yes all the drama is so juicy but I also loove the photoshoots). So anyway when Steve Jobs passed away the other day, I remembered that this guy had done an installation about Steve Jobs but I couldn't remember his name. Now I do so I'm gonna post it up here so I never forget.

Steve Jobs : Esquire magazine

The Grapes of Wrap

Bread Lampshade

Adventures of a Young Vegetarian (my favourite of his watch sculptures)

How cool is he!

http://www.dominicwilcox.com/index.html

http://variationsonnormal.com/

let me tell you about: Diuretics!

2011-10-05T16:10:00.003+08:00

Omg I'm making such slow progress on studying for the midsems. I'm only on lecture 6 out of 20++? Pharm lectures and so far still at 0 for Path. It is too cruel how they put both the papers on the same day. I already have such difficulty retaining information for ONE subject in my head till the paper's over but for TWO? I might as well just give up on one. Which I probably will do (looking at you path).

Living without gas for the last 6 days was pretty interesting (for lack of a better word). To get my hot showers I had to boil water with the kettle and scoop it out of a huge plastic ikea box onto myself like some kampung kid. Cooking required a lot of microwave use so I didn't eat any chicken or red meats because I don't trust my microwave to cook it well enough. The rice cooker helped to steam some vegies but other than that my options were mostly limited to toast and bacon and soup. Anyways the gas is back now which I'm THOROUGHLY glad of. I've never appreciated such amenities so much before.

Ok now let me tell you (whoever is out there) about diuretics since I ust finished studying it..

Diuretics = drugs that promote renal excretion of salt and water in conditions where there's abnormal retention of salt & water or in heart failure or hypertension.

First you have drugs that prevent the resorption of Na from the filtrate (3 classes):

1. Loop diuretics (act on the loop of Henle)

2. Thiazides/Indapamide (act on the PCT and early DCT)

3. K+ sparing (act on the later part of the DCT)

1. 2. Loop diuretics and thiazides/indapamide (why do I keep wanting to type impedimine? That's not even a word)

- They are Na channel blockers that act only on the kidney

- Blocks the Na/Cl channels on the luminal membranes so there's no Na resorption or Cl excretion at that surface

- Well absorbed, renally excreted drugs

- Excreted via the weak acid excretory pathway which delivers it straight to the sites of action (uric acid also excreted by this pathway)

- Loop diuretic eg: frusemide

3. K+ sparing diuretics

- Act on the late DCT

- Here, the Na/K ATPase pump on the basilar membrane is normally under aldosterone control

- Aldosterone (steroid hormone) enters the cell, binds to the mineralocoricoid receptor then enters the nucleus & increases transcription of ATPase mRNA -> increased pumping of Na into the interstitium

- Spironolactone is an analogue of aldosterone; its metabolite = canrenone

- Both spironolactone & canrenone are antagonists of the MC receptor

- Competitively inhibits the receptor so prevents ATPase transcription - reduced Na resorption

Preventing Na resorption prevents water resorption as water is passively resorbed down the osmotic gradient

Secondly, you have osmotic diuretics which only prevent water absorption

- Works on the descending loop which is where most water is resorbed

- Eg: Mannitol

- A sugar which is filtered into the tubule but cannot be transported back out

- Produces an increased osmotic pressure in the filtrate which keeps water in the filtrate from being absorbed back into the interstitium

K+ excretion

- Loop diuretics, thiazides & indapamide are K+ wasting

- Drugs acting late in the DCT are K+ sparing (amiloride, spironolactone)

K+ wasting happens because:

- A diuretic induced Na+ loss leads to loss of blood volume leads to renin release from the JG apparatus.

- Renin activates the renin - angiotensin - aldosterone system

- Aldosterone binds to the MC receptor in the late DCT - leads to increased Na/K ATPase activity

- Causes increased K+ excretion

K+ sparing because:

- In the late DCT, K+ excretion is solely linked to Na absorption from the luminal membrane

- Amiloride inhibits the Na channel here therefore there is no K excretion either

Contraindications:

- Loop & thiazides often used in heart failure with digoxin

- Diuretic induced hypokalaemia may provoke lethal digoxin cardiac toxicity

- K+ is retained in renal failure

- Use of K+ sparing diuretics leads to dangerous hyperkalaemia

Tada! Today's lesson brought to you by the letter P

2011-09-24T21:36:00.004+08:00

This week was not a good week. I've been trying to get myself motivated enough to tackle this research project just so I can contribute something to my poor group members who are intently working their butts off. I think they both want good marks for this but I can't really be bothered what I get so due to that there's quite a big discrepancy in the level of effort being invested which is making me feel quuuite guilty :( This is why I should come with a disclaimer that only people who aim for a credit should work with me. This is also why group projects should be abolished from the universe. I'm sure everyone else hates them too. It doesn't help matters that our topic isn't the easiest in the world so I've been reading AN literature till my retinas beg for mercy just to figure out what kind of treatment regime to give our imaginary participants because it's such a neglected disease that there are NO recommended treatment guidelines. And if I can't go to dynamed for answers I really don't know where else to go.

Also, there was a whole calamity involving the bass guitar which I was supposed to go pick up on Thursday. I came home from work and wanted to quickly run upstairs to check the address and call the guy to say I was coming but the parking in our block was full so I parked on the road for what I thought was gonna be 5 minutes. But then the guy did not pick up his phone after calling like 20 times and I got so frustrated over it that I completely forgot about my car parked out on the road. And then the next afternoon when I was heading out to go climbing, I realised my car was not in the parking lot, panicked, and ran like mad out to the road but alas it was too late and I'd been slapped with TWO parking tickets. TWOOOOO!!!! Hateful. All parking inspectors are nothing but hateful and a menace to society :( So there goes $150 up in smoke - 10 hours of work for nuts.

ALSO I scratched my poor car :'(

Med ball is this Saturday. Hopefully my bad skin & mad hair week will be over by then. I was thinking of borrowing a camera from someone but then realised I probably won't be taking any pics since I don't know anyone that well.

Been also having weird pangs of homesickness all week for idk what reason. Maybe hormonal. Unrelated, I've always been terrible at dealing with someone else getting credit for something I've done. That has not changed - it's still enormously depressing.

Abrupt end to post

2011-09-18T20:39:00.006+08:00

"Speak firmly, but gracefully; listen as though you have to retell that person’s story in vivid detail to a stranger and when you speak to children, get right down to their level. It’s less scary that way."

This is something I need to learn from my mother too. One of the bad habits I have is to speak without thinking beforehand Maybe it's because I panic mildly in having to interact with people so when I'm in a conversation and have to say something back quick, I just spew out whatever platitudes spring to my lips. And pepper my speech with HAHAHAs and Seriously?s This makes for quite banal and meaningless banter and sometimes I even irritate myself when I hear what I'm saying.

Not my mum, who is confident and self assured enough to take her time with her words. She doesn't feel that the silence or blank spaces are uncomfortable and need to be hastily filled, she just spends a few extra seconds to come up with a thoughtful reply. In this sense, we are such opposites. She's always the socialist, jumping into every conversation with funny comments and always getting phone calls from old friends or people needing help. She has no problems bonding with all her numerous sisters in law, aunts in law, mother in law, inlaws in law over shopping or tea or lunch. She's even comfortable taking our neighbour's old mother with dementia out for lunch when she comes over to our house looking for my mum for inexplicable reasons. Relationships and friendships, being someone's company comes so naturally to her.

Me, on the other hand. I fret every time I am alone with someone because when trying to think of some topic of conversation, my mind bails on me and leaves me floundering. Then the silence grows more and more deafening while I think and strain and try to squeeze some sort of interesting thought out of my cranium. Meanwhile, my brain is refusing to cooperate and seizing up with thoughts of its own. "Oh my gosh she must be soo bored. Ohh my gosh she's thinking I'm retarded. Ohh my gosh we're never going to hang out again. Ohh my gosh i'm never going to have any friends. Whyyy am I so awkward. OHH MY GOSH." It doesn't help either that my voice has a maximum decibel level equal to the page of a newspaper being turned. And also happens to be the same frequency as universal party background noise so that whatever I say (even shout) blends right into sounds of happy people mingling. It's so uncool. People say it's ok to be shy. Some go as far as to say it's charming. But as a first hand sufferer of intense shyness and being severely handicapped at simple social matters like the art of conversation, I say it is not charming and not ok. I hate being shy and I wish someone would just hurry up and invent a drug to get rid of it already.

snagged

2011-09-18T00:08:00.003+08:00

the subjects i used to be good at, i'm not even sure i'd be good at them anymore
so since i'm stuck with the path of my own choosing now, i guess i should try to survive it as best as i can
but it's so exhausting, not understanding anything all the time
and the triumphant feeling of perfect comprehension - i have given up all hope of ever glimpsing it again

feel like a kid again

2011-09-07T17:39:00.004+08:00

my wand

Greetings from the Ravenclaw common room, muggle world. Just chilling here, waiting for my sleeping draught to brew :)

confusing thoughts RE cell

2011-09-03T10:47:00.005+08:00

Last night at cell, somehow the topic of favouritism was brought up and the example scenario was:

If you're at the cinema queueing up for tickets and you friend is working at the ticket counter is it practising (or rather condoning) favouritism if you're allowed to jump ahead to the front of the queue and somehow rendezvous with your friend to get tickets before everyone else?

or another one:

For a doctor working in the ED, if another doctor comes in for treatment is it favouritism to speed up his waiting time and also to deliberately give him better healthcare (by not sending a fresh off the uni boat intern his way)?

Anyway, someone did a quick google search and found James 2:9 which says 'But if you show favouritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers'

And with that verse, everyone just came to the agreement that favouritism is an outright no no and moved on. But I'm still bothered by this whole consensus because I don't think it is so cut and dry to say "no favouritism ever, otherwise you sin" Because firstly if you take into context the rest of the passage, James was talking about showing favor to the wealthy and socially powerful over those who are poor and low standing in stature. He was also talking about judging based on appearances (jewels, fine clothes vs filthy old clothes) and distributing our favor based on that discrimination. (James 2:2-4) So what if we favor the poor, is that still favouritism? Is it a sin if we regularly show extra kindness to lowly and shabby folk, more than we do to businessmen or lawyers or whatever? Doesn't seem right.. And favoring our loved ones like family and friends over a stranger - being more conscientious about their care and stuff, does that also fall into the category of favouritism? Because James never said anything about family. Also, we know God never showed favouritism but did Jesus have a favourite disciple in John? (John 21:7 '..the disciple whom Jesus loved..' etc etc)

Anyway, it's always quite unsatisfying to come away from cell feeling like questions weren't answered properly and without looking at the Bible more carefully but last night was super frustrating because so many wrong statements were said by the person leading word. It always makes me miss squaretables badly because now I'm always left doubting what was said instead of having the firm assurance that I've learned more (and correctly) of what is in the Bible.

But anyway I'm not some super devout christian and not even very knowledgeable about the bible so maybe it's weak and judgemental of me to think this way or be stumbled by this. Or it could just be the pedantic Brethren background I came from. But I think it's quite dangerous to have a bible study leader telling everyone things like the old testament and the law of Moses is irrelevant and can be disregarded. So.. idk. Just feeling super uncomfortable and confused and needed to get it out.

stupid oven

2011-08-30T20:28:00.003+08:00

AAHHH :( Burned my arm on the oven door at work today and it was AGONIZING!! And this oven is normally super hot that even when you put your hands in to take out the subs, the plastic gloves start melting onto your fingers 0_0 I barely touched the door of the oven before yanking my arm away (almost dropped the sub) but there's already a huge ugly mark there that looks like a fat leech!!! :( :( :( I hope it won't leave a scar. There's already weird marks all over my legs, I don't need more on my arms! GAH

OH and now I just broke my lamp. Today is not my day :(

my new arm decor

mean red monday

2011-08-29T23:43:00.004+08:00

Today is one of those mean reds days. The mere thought of going to uni tomorrow is exhausting and the fact that we have to prepare to take histories from fake patients makes it so tempting to use up my PBL skip for this sem. Tried to study just now as well but maybe I drank too much coffee or something because all I got was a headache, some palpitations and shaky hands which made my writing highly ugly and so I did not want to continue. I've wasted away the whole weekend and yesterday and today. The stack of lectures I need to catch up on has expanded from a stack to a mountain the size of Everest. I feel like a train that is slowly becoming derailed. Honestly, going to med school has been the worst decision of my entire life. If anyone is on the fence in the future, they should DEFINITELY NOT DO IT.

maario

2011-08-28T18:42:00.001+08:00

Woohoo! I consider it one of the greatest triumphs in my life so far that yesterday I managed to unblock my chronically blocked shower drain myself, thus saving me the $120 cost of calling the plumber :D

the importance of staying calm

2011-08-26T00:48:00.004+08:00

Today's CVS exam was quite a disaster.

Even though everyone I talked to didn't manage to finish, it still felt quite bad not finishing a clin skills assessment for the first time :(

Also, I was so nervous from seeing the depressed faces of all the people who went before me that I jeopardised myself! Because when I put my stethoscope in to get the patient's BP I could hear my own stupid heart pounding and it totally drowned out the Korotkoff sounds ARGHHH so in the end I just made up a bp :(

ALSO when I was feeling for pulses, the examiner was giving me this totally skeptical look that made me super scared even though I was perfectly honest and said I could not feel the popliteal and post tibial. What was that for! It's not like I was pretending to waffle for more marks.

AND I forgot to use the bell when listening for bruits.

AND I couldn't figure out where to poke for the abdominal aorta because my patient had. Quite a vast abdomen.

And I didn't finish :( boo.

how to guarantee that you will fail uni

2011-08-24T15:46:00.002+08:00

Buy a 3rd enormous stack of books for $20

(Today was supposed to be $15 a box day but my box was piled so high with books that it was bordering on becoming 2 boxes and the lady at the cashier raised her eyebrows and said "Wow that's a very full box" and thus I was guilted into paying extra)

But nevertheless :)

1. Man and Wife, Tony Parsons

2. One Big Damn Puzzler, John Harding

3. Homecoming, Bernhard Schlink

4. One for My Baby, Tony Parsons

5. Open House, Elizabeth Berg

6. Black Swan Green, David Mitchell

7. Barrel Fever, David Sedaris

8. The Bride Stripped Bare, Anon

9. The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

10. The Piano Shop on the Left Bank, T.E. Carhart

11. Rain Man, Leonore Fleischer

12. Man and Boy, Tony Parsons

13. In My Skin, Kate Holden

14. Coastliners, Joanne Harris

15. Disgrace, J.M. Coetzee

16. Little Infamies, Panos Karnezis

17. Sweetness in the Belly, Camilla Gibb

18. My Name is Will, Jess Winfield

19. Tremble, Tobsha Learner

20. Bodies, Jed Mercurio

21. All This Will Be Yours, Phil Hogan

22. The Search for Sana, Richard Zimler

23. The Service of Clouds, Delia Falconer

24. The Conjuror's Bird, Martin Davies

25. The Rise and Fall of a Yummy Mummy, Polly Williams

26. Veronika Decides to Die, Paolo Coelho

27. Number Ten, Sue Townsend

28. My Latest Grievance, Elinor Lipman

Adieu, med school! No time for studies with all these books to read.

book sale round 2

2011-08-23T15:46:00.006+08:00

I've now got a monster stack of books in the middle of the floor. Kinda lost control today and spent another $60 but got 34 books for it because today was half price day so it comes up to 49 books for $120 which is quite worth it considering I got about 50 years worth of reading for 7 hours of work :D

Decided to make a list because just looking at them makes me happy

1. Under a Tin Grey Sari, Wayne Ashton

2. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris

3. Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

4. Adrian Mole: From Minor to Major, Sue Townsend

5. How Late It Was, How Late, James Kelman

6. Five Quarters of the Orange, Joanne Harris

7. The Glass Palace, Amitav Ghosh

8. Poppy Shakespeare, Clare Allan

9. The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch

10. Pears on a Willow Tree, Leslie Pietrzyk

11. The Rice Mother, Rani Manicka

12. Nikolski, Nicolas Dickner

13. The Tale of Murasaki, Liza Dalby

14. Q and A, Vikas Swarup

15. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder

16. Master Pip, Lloyd Jones

17. Angela's Ashes, Frank McCourt

18. Teacher Man, Franck McCourt

19. The Red Dancer, Richard Skinner

20. The Lake of Dreams, Kim Edwards

21. The Ash Garden, Dennis Bock

22. 44, Peter Sheridan

23. Nureyev: An Autobiography

24. Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro

25. Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

26. The Dream Life of Sukhanov, Olga Grushin

27. Atonement, Ian McEwan

28. The Remains of the Day, Kazuo Ishiguro

29. Children & Others, James Gould Cozzens

30. Pomegranate Soup, Marsha Mehran

31. Falling Angels, Tracy Chevalier

32. Life of Pi, Yann Martel

33. Holy Fools, Joanne Harris

34. The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold

35. Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life, Roald Dahl

36. The Virgin Blue, Tracy Chevalier

37. The Bookseller of Kabul, Asne Seierstad

38. A Short History of Tractors, Marina Lewycka

39. If I am Missing of Dead, Janine Latus

40. If on a Winter's Night a Traveller, Italo Calvino

41. Running With Scissors, Augusten Burroughs

42. The Day we had Hitler Home, Rodney Hall

43. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons

44. Wild Swans, June Chang

45. Marley & Me, John Grogan

The ones I've always wanted to buy are in italics and now I've got them for an average of $2.50 each :) woohoo!

In other news, a gif I made in 5 minutes got 247 notes overnight but a gif that took me an hour still has only 25 notes a week later :( The conundrum of tumblr that I'll never understand

his number plate is h.pylori

2011-08-22T18:42:00.002+08:00

We had a lecture by UWA's acclaimed Nobel prize winner, Barry Marshall today. After so many years of the other lecturers slipping him into their notes like he's the blue ribbon horse of UWA, it was quite interesting to think that we were being taught by a creme de la academic creme. The lecture itself was not exactly mind blowing since I guess all his brilliant discoveries on gastric ulcers are now just part of common clinical knowledge but it was nice to see that even the greats can forget whether cimetidine inhibits or stimulates the cyp450s. And also what S=O is called.

"I used to get pleasure out of looking at these molecules but I don't anymore." - Prof. Barry Marshall

Quite a funny guy, this genius

happy haul

2011-08-21T14:58:00.004+08:00

15 books for $60 at the book sale today :) It was such a lucky coincidence that we left church early and happened to see the signs while driving back past UWA. I was ambitiously scouting for Harry Potter books at first but then I bumped into Oliver at the children's section who told me that someone else from med had gone there on the first day and bought up the whole lot. But anyway, I got a Nureyev biography for $4 and an Adrian Mole for $3 and almost bought a spare copy of A Thousand Splendid Suns for $3 but gave it up to Oliver who said that he couldn't find any good fiction books.

The difference between books and other things is that for books, I would gladly sit on the stinky floor to look through all the books piled under the table for the off chance that I find some treasure hidden down there. For all other things, probably not.

winter

2011-08-17T12:42:00.002+08:00

It's supposed to be spring now but still feels like winter. The mornings are freezing cold and highly non conducive for working up the willpower to go for lectures. As a result I've been home almost everyday and now have a humongous stack of lectures to catch up on. Even then, winter makes it so nice to sleep and stay in bed with a hot mug of coffee. I wonder if I've always been this lazy or if this lack of motivation spawned when I got into med and silently grew like a gross tumor until it took over my whole brain. I can't remember the last time I felt 100% satisfied with an exam result. I definitely can't remember how it feels to aim for a full mark instead of just to scrape a pass.

"If you never do anything you never become anyone" Now it feels more like my not doing anything has made me become no one.

the most :O moment of 2011

2011-08-10T15:32:00.002+08:00

After years of watching and rewatching Garden State, I suddenly realised one day that this guy is Sheldon Cooper 3 years pre Big Bang Theory. And the epiphany only came because I wasn't looking at the moment he started to speak Klingon and it suddenly really sounded like Sheldon and suddenly he really looked like Sheldon and I realised it was Sheldon. The end

2011-08-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes: it takes more courage to quit than to carry on carrying on

youknee

2011-08-03T20:36:00.003+08:00

It's only the third day back and we already have a research proposal due in 2 weeks, a folder full of haemopoietic (I can't even spell that word properly) lectures to study, GP visits to arrange, etc etc etc

Thank goodness I managed to get into a group with Jolene & Hayley contrary to what I'd predicted being the outcast of med and all. Gotta motivate myself not to be a slacker and fall behind on the researching and readings etc etc otherwise i'll just be une grande pain in le derriere. Also gotta restudy everything we've learnt in FCP before going for GP placements because at this point I can't even remember where on the patient's chest to put my stethoscope. ALSO gotta start learning all the path/ID/pharm lectures we've had because

1. I don't want to be in that dark, gloomy and suicidal place again when exam time comes

2. This sem's pharm book is to last sem's Pharm book what the Order of the Phoenix book is to the Philosopher's Stone book (big)

3. 3rd day of uni and I already don't understand half the words on the lecture slide

TIME TO GET MY I LOVE MED FACE ON! WOOH! I LOVE MED I REALLY DO!

this again

2011-07-29T18:54:00.003+08:00

Going back to Perth for the 6th time is not any easier than it was the first time. It is still goodbye to my closest and favourite friends, bye family, bye dog, bye house, bye lil green car (for good this time), bye church that I love, learn in, feel fully comfortable in, bye busy streets always ablaze with lights, bye lip smacking food, bye suppers, bye teh ais, bye cheap movies, bye bridge nights, bye the life i love.

And then hello Perth. Hello loneliness. Hello never fitting in. Hello feeling unwelcome. Hello being antisocial. Hello passing acquaintances. Hello uni. Hello trying to fathom the science that was always out of reach of my understanding. Hello feeling inferior all the time. Hello failing. Hello stress. Hello pretending to be happy. Hello blues.

On top of this PPD I've got a new thing now - PUD: Pre Uni Depression and it is SUPER lethal

failing at life

2011-07-27T13:33:00.001+08:00

is walking head on into a glass door in one's own house during a gathering of about 30 of one's close friends

succubus

2011-07-15T12:35:00.002+08:00

:a female demon appearing in dreams who takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men through sexual intercourse

was trying to recall this word for ages because I suddenly thought of Helen of Troy in Faustus who was one. Phew. Gonna leave it on here in case I ever forget it again

snape :(

2011-07-14T01:57:00.003+08:00

So so so sad that snape's story has ended. Personally I've never cared much for Harry or the rest because they were just too liked by everyone. They were happy enough. But poor tormented Snape who was made out to be so pathetic, mean and unlikeable despite his awesome garb (billowing black robes, come on) and potions brilliance; Snape caught my heart instantly and forever! And I thought I would cry at Snape's death because I legit actually cried at that in the book but no..just when I thought the saddest part was over- a whole montage of Snape's incredible love for Lily and weeping Snape holding the dead Lily in his arms and Snape conjuring her patronus and "After all this time, Severus?" "Always" OMG CREYS :'(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Sigh

After growing up a loyal diehard snape fan, I don't know what to do now that he's officially dead. Tis a sad day. A sad sad day indeed

Negaraku

2011-07-10T17:53:00.004+08:00

What bad timing it was that the weekend of the rally had to be the only weekend all the relatives were available to gather in Ipoh. Nevertheless words cannot describe the pride I'm feeling now reading all the reports and watching the videos on youtube. I wish with all my heart I could've been down there or in one of those cars stuck in the standstill traffic into kl rather than driving out of kl but sadly we could only join the protest in spirit.

I'm so proud to be a Malaysian youth today. To know that there is hope for my beloved country yet. I'm proud to be one of those who are determined to return from abroad instead of running away to a better life. I'm proud to be a registered voter. No matter what the outcome of yesterday, 50000 Malaysians united and made their voices heard loud & clear. And despite all the rubbish that is coming out of the PM's mouth and the newspapers, it's so obvious now that Malaysia has woken up and is demanding a change. Amazing job yesterday, negaraku ♥ you have my love and respect forever.

driving me nuts!!

2011-07-05T08:52:00.002+08:00

at one time in high school - i think form 5 jian hua or kok shin or someone from the chinaman gang taught us this awesome method of counting on our fingers to figure out what day of the week any date fell on. and it was circulating for quite a while, i remember everyone sitting in the canteen tapping their fingers.

i'd forgotten how to do it but after a lot of googling i sort of got the basics back

step 1 is how i remember it

and so is step 3

but i can't figure out how we did step 2 (knowing how many points every year gets) and there was definitely just a simple calculation to get the value AND NOW IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!

i dunno who still reads this blog but any wesleyans..have any sorta vague memory?

2011-07-04T09:40:00.000+08:00

flies make such a crispy and crunchy sound when they fly into the windows

hmmm..

2011-07-01T17:43:00.002+08:00

driving around on a road, suddenly become surrounded by 4 cars of the same model and exact same color - another kind of glitch in the matrix?

2011-06-21T21:57:00.002+08:00

the worst exam to study for when you feel sick is hands down forensic path

purging of bloodied fluids

swelling of face and neck, eyes and tongue may protrude

gaseous distension of the abdomen

reflect the scalp, cut through skull, prise open the skull gently

the words alone are making me wanna puke

loco

2011-06-20T02:05:00.002+08:00

exams:

crazy hair

crazy skin

crazy eating habits

crazy sleeping habits

crazy messy house

crazy unwashed dishes

crazy notes

crazy clothes

crazy caffeine

can't wait for it to be over :'(

keep calm, it could be worse

2011-06-19T03:04:00.003+08:00

yesterday was a nightmare:

1. Went to microwave my microwavable dinner in the common room but left the plastic lid on because the microwave is so rank, lid melted, food became toxic, had to throw away dinner :(

2. After pulling an all nighter which was useless because not one iota of information could be forced into my sleepy brain, went home to shower, had to park on the road for 10 MINS because my neighbours motorbike which takes up one whole parking lot fooled me into thinking there was an empty lot available and then was too tired to drive back out onto the main road and park in another lot and GOT A FINE FOR PARKING FACING THE WRONG DIRECTION @#%#$^$%&#%*^$%*^$*$^%&#$%^#$^@$^#$# OUTSIDE MY OWN HOUSE!!!!!#(U#($%(#%(#&%&@#($&@$&(@&%@#(&%(@#

3. Went to uni early to continue studying, realised i didn't have my student card, had to go make a new one

4. Path exam was demonic. Also had one of those tables with the uneven legs so while writing it kept wobbling back and forth which made my already ugly writing even uglier

5. Went home and was depressed about the exam the rest of the day

Today was better:

1. Finished the frankenstein route :)))

2. Got a cool lamp shaped like the eiffel tower for $5

sadafaces

2011-06-17T05:28:00.002+08:00

the most accurate and concise way to sum up my mood lately : SADAFACES

sigh

2011-06-17T04:42:00.003+08:00

if one is definitely going to fail ones path exam which is actually only worth 35% of the whole unit but would be detrimental to one's self esteem if one does fail, should one stay up another 9 hours to attempt to study or should one give in to one's sleep cravings which are still ragingly strong despite one taking about 10 caffeine pills and 2 redbulls. decisions decisions...

island

2011-06-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

no man is an island. true or false? i think false. it's actually very very easy and possible to be an island. and not just an island, but the only island in the whole ocean even

2011-06-13T06:42:00.001+08:00

i think i will fall asleep if i blink too slow 0_0

too many parasites

2011-06-10T19:16:00.003+08:00

read this : 'Clouds fly lower during the day than the night'

and thought "What's a clouds fly?"

2011-06-10T01:44:00.001+08:00

ohh my goshhhhhhh

i've never had this gonna fail feeling more than now in my entire life

this is so bad

i can't do thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

2011-06-09T17:13:00.002+08:00

that part in the half blood prince where dumbledore has to drink up all the potion but he begs harry to let him stop but harry has to force him to keep drinking until it's finished is EXACTLY how i feel trying to study id omg my brain has already long abandoned ship and now i'm just flailing at my desk waiting to die

DRUGS PLEASE

2011-06-08T21:40:00.003+08:00

omg. after i got the idea from steph today i now sincerely believe some adderall could be the solution to all my problems and depression

the only problem is where to get some :( surely with all the doctors around me someone can write me a fake prescription or steal some from the pharmacy or SOMETHING. how does one find this underground black market for uni student drugs?? all i want is to study!!

GAT room romance

2011-06-08T01:06:00.002+08:00

I wonder if two strangers have ever fallen in love from spending too much time alone in the GAT room during exam period.

The whole room to yourselves, quiet, the cold night outside. Maybe they could break the ice after discovering they were laughing about the same viral youtube video. And then take it one step further by offering to share their hoard of studying snacks/redbull. And after a few more late nights of mugging, surely some sort of printing-credit-sharing, late-night-walks-to-IGA together romance could blossom no?

Personally, all my late GAT room nights have only gained me a friend so far. But it would be funny and also ultra geeky to be part of a couple whose love story would be 'we met in the GAT during finals'

the truth

2011-06-08T00:11:00.001+08:00

i hate this with all my heart

GG

2011-06-06T21:05:00.001+08:00

GG GG GG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

this is the biggest GG in the history of all GGs

need to finish path by tomorrow and finsih up

parasites

fungi

anti fungals

viruses

immunology

specimen collection

BY MONDAY

OMG

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

angry

2011-06-02T23:32:00.004+08:00

don't really care if my reaction to this is inhuman or whatever but this makes me so angry.

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-02-19/world/acid.attack.victim_1_acid-attack-blind-eye/2?_s=PM:WORLD

this young woman was blinded in both eyes and badly disfigured after a monstrous piece of shit threw a bucket of acid in her face. this was after she rejected his marriage proposals and he threatened to attack her and make sure no one else would want her so he could have her all to himself

seeking justice, she asked that her attacker be similarly blinded in both eyes also to serve as a warning to all other acid splashers that this disgusting crime should never go unpunished. this was to be done in a hospital with the "man" anaesthetized ie no pain, no disfigured face, just acid injected into his eyes.

however, before the sentence was about to be carried out, authorities intervened at the last minute and postponed the blinding. this was most probably due to international outcry from amnesty international and media around the world citing "human rights" and saying that this eye for an eye form of justice is inhuman and wrong.

WHAT?????????

how is any of what the acid splasher did right? he ruined a woman's life, took away her face and sight for no reason other than his own bloody selfishness. how can you call him human? how can you call him man? how does he at all deserve rights or mercy? this is disgusting. this is simply sending the message to all those twisted sickos out there that it is ok to walk around in public and simple wreck people's lives at a toss of your acid bottle because ohhh don't worry, amnesty international will come to your rescue and ensure you don't get punished for it. because you're "human". and you have "rights". and because you have "rights" you can go ahead and screw people over and the worst that can happen to you, BECAUSE YOU HAVE "RIGHTS" is that you'll sit in jail while maybe other sick acid splashers in there with you discuss tactics and pat each other on the back. yes yes God is the only judge in the end but come on. this is simply RIDICULOUS.

good job friggin sharia law, you stone innocent women and girls to death after she is raped because that is her punishment for associating with men who are not her relatives because "according to law that is what she deserves". good job human rights activists for not making a peep every time that happens. but when punishment is about to be meted out to a monster, equal in magnitude to his sick deeds, there is hoo haa hullaballoo outcry and outrage big enough to make the government say ok ok we will change our minds. wtf

shit. this is such bullshit. i am so angry right now.

tumblin

2011-05-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

Got myself a tumblr to try!
Also, got myself a speeding ticket :( boo

Spyder

2011-05-24T00:01:00.005+08:00

This twitter is pretty ingenious, especially if you ever wanted to know what kinda people share your taste in books. According to them, these are my kindred spirits :

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J. K. Rowling (F, 20s, blond, gray scarf w denim jacket, black skirt, F train)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J. K. Rowling (M, 40s, glasses, brown blazer, plaid shirt, library ed, F train)

Let the Great World Spin, Colum McCann (M, 20s, red plaid shirt, leaning against pole, Court Sq E/M platform)

Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen (F, 20s, curvy hair, pink and purple scarf, beige umbrella, 4 train)

The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins (M, 30s, fluffy dark hair w first hints of gray, khakis, F train)

Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell (M, 30s, green newsboy cap, wool overcoat, spied through window, G train)

Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro (F, 30s, tall, rain-wet hair, black coat, red bag on arm, F train)

The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold (F, 20s, short dark hair/thin plastic headband, clutching totebag on lap, L train)

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More, Roald Dahl (M, 30s, standing, G train)

The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo (M, 30s, asics gloves with all five boroughs on fingers, A train)

The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell (F, 40s, shearling coat, Uggs, damp brown hair, N train)

Lady Chatterley’s Lover, D. H. Lawrence (M, 20s, glasses, GIANT fur trapper hat, beard, Strang bag on wrist, L train)

The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown (F, 20s, long dark hair, cozy oversized sweater, slouchy white hat, B train)

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee (M, 30s, tall, winter hat, worn blue coat, F train)

The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini (F, 30s, dreads, pink hoodie, reading at chess table in park, Fort Greene)

Frankenstein, Mary Shelley (F, 20s, black peacoat, Pumas, punched her bag when train was delayed, N train)

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee (M, teens, looked like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, sharing w girl in red coat, R )

The Wind Up-Bird Chronicle, Haruki Murakami (F, 20s, tan trench coat w gathered sleeves, pierced nose, Q train)

Last Chance Saloon, Marian Keyes (F, 30s, copper hair, denim jacket over blue dress w tights, F train)

Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk (F, 20s, dark hair in headband, bright pink backpack at feet, F train)

The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy (F, 20s, pink leather jacket, blonde hair pinned in bun, leggs crossed, B train)

The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown (M, 30s, sat reading while everyone else was exiting, NJ Transit)

Gunn’s Golden Rules, Tim Gunn (F, 30s, black leggings, big black bead necklace, black purse w studs on bottom, A train)

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, Kim Edwards (M, 20s, skinny jeans, olive jacket w 1/4 length sleeves, Q train)

About a Boy, Nick Hornby (M, 20s, glasses, navy jacket w white pants daringly after Labor Day, went 1 stop, F train)

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Mark Haddon (F, 20s, curly hair, purple-blue dress, G train)

My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult (F, 20s, tall brunette, hair hanging over face, black shirt, F train)

Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Truman Capote (F, 20s, delicate features, candy-color scarf, red hair, Q train)

Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger (F, 50s, Gilligan hat, glasses, enormous backpack, F Train)

Deception Point, Dan Brown (M, 30s, carrying a banana, 7th Ave platform, Park Slope)

The Time Traveler’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger (F, 30s, chartreuse running shoes, Hoyt Schermerhorn platform)

High Fidelity, Nick Hornby (F, 20s, long brown hair, greyish skirt w coral shirt, 7th Ave&57th St platform)

If I were spotted this week?
The Neverending Story, Michael Ende (F, 20s, carrying bacteria notes but not reading them, Fremantle line)

Day 21 - a song you listen to when you're happy

jambo

2011-05-23T20:16:00.004+08:00

I've always aaaalways wanted to go to Africa. Hopefully sometime next year I'll get the chance :)

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry

going to listen to a song is not exactly my first reaction when I'm angry

but i guess if it were, this would be my choice

actinobacillus actinomycetemcomitans

2011-05-22T19:29:00.007+08:00

I think I might be a bit more than spectacularly doomed for ID but never the mind! Onwards with spreadsheet making and gormless memorizing! Sigh. I hates this so much. Give me back anat and physio over this any day.

A couple of interesting links:

#1 What to do if your husband stops loving you

#2 The San Fransisco library. Amazing illustrations.

Day 19 - a song from your favorite album

I don't really notice which of my favourite songs come from what album to be honest, but this album contains a lot of my favourite songs and also the song that made me fall in love with Mr Mayer.

(from the room for squares album)

arrrgh

2011-05-21T17:09:00.002+08:00

shoulder is in agony!!!!!! i think it's subacromial bursitis :( how ironic to have a shoulder injury now when we have an msk assessment coming up super soon. i'm not even gonna be able to move my own arm, let alone lift ppl's heavy legs! sigh. frankenstein route, i think you are the culprit of this. not gonna try and complete you anymore!

are we hypocrites?

2011-05-16T15:13:00.005+08:00

When this video started circulating on facebook a few days back and I saw it for the first time, my immediate reaction was "KILL THOSE BITCHES!" I felt so bad for the girl in the video and just wanted to morph into Thor so I could step into that class and smash the bullies with my hammer. According to the latest news, those 4 nasty purulent twats got off with an "apology" and 2 weeks suspension. Good job once again, Malaysia; defender of the oppressed and downtrodden. Bravo.

In retrospect though, watching this video of school bullying kinda brings back uncomfortable memories of our own high school. In lower sec, there was the resident weird kid (D) in our class who was constantly the brunt of everyone's bordering-on-cruel jokes and comments. I dunno if he ever said it out loud but looking back, he probably felt quite bullied. Yeah, so I didn't take part in the outright teasing and mocking but I never said anything against it either. And I probably threw a few sarcastic comments his way in the 3 years we were classmates. Even in upper sec after D moved to another class, we acquired another misfit. And again he was the subject of the collective class disdain after he repeatedly got us held back in chem for not knowing things like the charge of iodide etc. I don't remember if I said anything to his face but behind his back I had plenty of comments about him, especially after those times we had to be lab partners. I don't know what it was about high school that made me so complacent about being mean to them. Maybe it was the herd effect or maybe I was just too weak to decide to act differently towards them. In any case, now that high school is over and I look back on it I feel quite ashamed of how it went and kinda wish I tried to be kinder.

Now in uni, there's again the weird kid in med whose strange comments and loud, pushy cheerfulness seems to grate on a lot of people's nerves. Maybe it's because I spent 4 years in the company of someone who never said unkind things about other people just for a laugh. Maybe it's because I don't really care about fitting into this uni crowd. Maybe it's because I have become more acquainted with loneliness and my own social awkwardness. Maybe I am a weird kid too but whatever it is, it's easier to be nice to him than it is to be snide. And what was ever the point of being nasty and mean anyway. I don't really see it anymore.

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

the kinda song that is so happy it dispels all road rage

hallows

2011-05-14T19:06:00.002+08:00

Went for a monster themed bouldering party last night which was super fun! But also super intimidating cause all the pros came to climb and while they were all taking turns to do the 4s and 5s I was stuck on my 2 and 3 the whole night long. It was my first night back at climbing after 3 weeks of studying and now my hands smell like chalk again which I realise I kinda like :P

Anyway, since the theme was monster people were supposed to come dressed at monsters but we were too asian and unsporting so we didn't dress up and thus felt a bit lame next to everyone's cool costumes. Secretly, I've always wanted to dress up for something but just can't think of a good costume idea. Some options are maybe

1. Snape
2. A yeti
3. Ash Ketchum/Prof Oak/Snorlax
4. Mario??

So hard to think of a good costume! But yesterday was awesome. There was even a Chewbacca who actually managed to climb in his Chewbacca costume. What a champion.

Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

Dunno what this means but I guess everyone has that boyband song that is just so corny but too hard to not love. And while everyone in my generation filled their childhood with BSB and Westlife, I only had eyes (ears) for N'sync

Day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

Trivia: I once went through a phase of being a serious Paula Abdul fan. Her voice sucks but her songs are surprisingly catchy. And she can tap dance like a boss.

Day 15 - a song that describes you

Soo hard to choose a song for this, but Mayer is always best at putting my feelings into words

Day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

Victim of overplaying on the radio. Sad

score!

2011-05-10T17:13:00.006+08:00

eBay i love you ♥ :D

Got a Diana deluxe kit on ebay for less than half of the original price AND 9 free rolls of film. Woohoo! There are so many lenses and other goodies I don't even know where to start. Hopefully with the flash now my pictures won't be as fail as they were the first few rolls.

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate
Tried to think of a band that I hate but nothing came to mind so I went to see the top 40 charts and saw Ke$ha on it. Bingo!
Granted, she's not a band but she's definitely qualifies to be queen of a whole host of artists who enjoy insipid and meaningless lyrics. In that sense, you could say she and her subjects are like Robin Hood and his band of brothers.
No Ke$ha songs here. Instead in the Diana spirit here's something happy, a lil bit indie and best of all local :) #Malaysiapride

losing touch

2011-05-09T21:27:00.005+08:00

Nuu losing my ability to pull multiple all nighters in a row :(

Last thursday was already a herculean struggle to stay awake for pharm but last night while studying for forensics I really felt like killing myself would be better than staying awake one more minute. There are few things that can sabotage your studying mojo more than:

1. Empty stomach

2. Sleep cravings

3. Song stuck in your head

4. Just discovered a new addictive game

Sigh, exam season is back again D:

Day 11 - a song from your favourite band

It's impossible to choose a favourite band so I'm gonna cheat and put songs from my top 3 favourite bands!

Coldplay

The Postal Service

Snow Patrol

mom

2011-05-08T21:33:00.005+08:00

the #1 most precious person in my life

my advisor & protector

my friend

in those times that i am away from home and life and everything around me feels so overwhelming & unbearable i miss my mom so much, it's indescribable

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

love this band

happy mother's day ma

do you know me

2011-05-07T19:13:00.005+08:00

All day long today, someone in my apartment block was crying and screaming at the top of their lungs. There were also lots of resounding thumps and banging that sounded like feet stomping around. At first I was pretty annoyed because it's hard to study with all that noise but after a few hours it got a bit concerning. Was it really just a spoilt child throwing a tantrum..or was someone vigorously abusing his kid @_@ and all those battered children images from our forensics lectures came to mind. The other thing was, I couldn't figure out which apartment it was coming from. Sometimes the thumps sounded like it was coming from the unit right next to mine..but the voices sounded like they were from downstairs..but the slamming doors sounded far away. It was all so confusing.

Anyway, long story short it made me think (apart from whether I should call child services or not) how little I know about my neighbors. The most I can tell you about the guy who lives next door to me is that

1. He has a Japan banner in one of his windows

2. He likes to listen to music and sit on his exercise ball (found this out one day when his door was open and I happened to look in while walking past)

3. His cooking sometimes smells really good

On the other hand, what do my neighbors know about me. That my fire alarm often goes off when I try to cook? That I play the guitar. That my washing machine is in my bathroom instead of in the laundry room like everyone else's. I really wish I could ask them. How interesting would it be to find out what details of your life can be gleaned from just the little bits that you show the world.

Day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

Day 09 - a song that you can dance to

(not that I can, more like I've always wanted to)

random encounters

2011-05-05T21:06:00.005+08:00

Man on the plane (twice) - awful

Man at the train station - nice

Man on the street - daring

Man in uniform - surreal

I've had some really weirdd experiences with strangers. Kinda makes me wonder what prompts people to act the way they do towards people they don't know. Maybe it's the fact that we may never cross paths again ever that lends them the chutzpah and makes them do things that catch you so off guard that you don't quite know how to react. And after the brief encounter is over and we both move on I wonder is going through his mind. Like, was he maybe sitting there the whole time building up the guts to do it; then did it turn out the way he expected?. And also I can't help but wonder what might have come out of it if things had gone the other way. But no one will ever know. Oh well. Strangers (you nice ones with good intentions) don't stop putting yourselves out there. Secretly, I admire your courage

Day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

Reminds me of our jamming session in form 5, which was the time when I was filled with so many hopes, longings and dreams that my heart felt like bursting

stacks

2011-05-04T22:21:00.009+08:00

5 of my favourite books ♥ :

1. Carolyn Parkhurst - The dogs of Babel

2. Tracy Chevalier - Girl With a Pearl Earring

3. Audrey Niffenger - The Time Traveler's Wife

4. Khaled Hosseini - A Thousand Splendid Suns

5. Column McCann - Dancer

Books are soo amazing. They are the best things ever. If I could just spend the rest of my life reading my way through every book in the world I probably would. If I know the answer to a Who Wants to be a Millionaire question, it's almost definitely because I read it in a book somewhere. If I suddenly go into a weird phase of being crazy over Impressionist artists or get cravings to visit Delft or Leningrad it is probably because I fell in love with the people in the stories and everything that had to do with their fictional (or semi fictional) lives I now want to touch and visit and see for myself. Anyway I don't even know how this turned into a post about how great books are. Kinda unnecessary since everyone knows that already! ♥

random

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

Brad Paisley & Alison Krauss - Whiskey Lullaby

Reminds me of the backseat of Angie's car

(click the grandpa)

Plain

2011-05-03T20:28:00.003+08:00

She looks plain. She is wearing a grey wide shirt and blue jeans. Her hair is short and dull brown. She isn’t wearing any make-up. White sneakers. Life has learned me that people who look plain, never are plain. She might have the most exciting life. Maybe she has traveled the world. Maybe she likes kinky sex. Maybe she is actually a man. You never know with plain looking people. There is no expression on her face. I have no idea what she is thinking. I have no idea where she is going. I have no idea who she is. You never know with plain looking people. Who are you, stranger?

(here)

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone

J. S. Bach - Air on the G String

click the Japan

obsama

2011-05-02T23:05:00.005+08:00

So, today Osama was finally ambushed and killed in his hideout (well not really a hideout since it was actually a mansion). And while all this was happening over in Pakistan, we were having an ID lecture here in Perth so at that moment we were probably spacing out or talking about the royal wedding because the lecturer was still trying to get the laptop to work. I don't even know why I find this intriguing but I can't help feeling there's some weird sense of upended proportion in this. Because

1. Osama bin Laden, the world's most wanted man, is sleeping (?idk) in his concealed home in Pakistan when all of a sudden there are helicopters in the air and shouting and blasts and guns and "a firefight" and after about 40 minutes, the man behind that oh so famous bearded face is dead. After 10 years of hunting for him. And it is a lengendary moment. And history is unfolding right then.

2. Me and Jessie are oblivious and talking about Princess Bea's toilet seat hat

Kinda makes me feel like I stepped into a time warp today. And then came back into the real world to find out this had happened while I was in there. Hum

maybe i'm overthinking this

Anyway, the general mood among Americans now seems to be jubilation and celebration that Osama is dead. And yes I know he was an evil and terrible person and his death made the world a better place and all.. But it seems kinda wronggg somehow to celebrate someone's killing. And if you think about the fact that he's a grandpa.. Wow this is totally making me sound like an idiot. Ok. I'm not sad(per se) that he's dead. But not joyous either I guess. And I'm NOT a terrorist. It's good that he's dead. Yes.

day 04 - a song that makes you sad

Annie Lennox - Into the West

click the blurry green

if i'm homesick enough this song can actually make me burst into tears. that's how sad it is

WHY AM I RETARDED

2011-05-02T00:49:00.002+08:00

was studying pharm then got distracted for 1 hour cleaning out fluff from under my keyboard keys -______________________-

evolutionarily speaking, surely this behavior is not right

day 03

2011-05-01T16:23:00.004+08:00

day 03 - a song that makes you happy

Apparently there is a whole playlist of happy songs in my itunes (it's called "happy songs") but after listening to all of them none of them really invoked any feelings of happiness. Hmm..

But a song that really makes me happy:

Beegees - Jive Talkin'

(Click the jivemobile)

How can anyone not feel happy listening to this!

day 02

2011-04-30T18:41:00.006+08:00

day 02 - your least favorite song

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

ew. let's not even link to it.

food of love

2011-04-30T01:31:00.004+08:00

Naww! Even though lately I've been feeling all cynical and bristly about the subject of 'love', the royal wedding today was just TOO irresistible and so I got sucked into the hype. Even to the point of packing up my stuff early and going down to the library lobby to watch on their humongous tv *shamefulface*

The most aww moments of the proceedings were:

1. When the queen arrived in a bright yellow outfit looking like a very happy and sweet bumblebee

2. The crowds going berserk cheering for their royals every time one of them drove past on the way to the abbey

3. Someone waving a humongous Scotland flag idk why it just seemed very sweet

4. Spotted the Agong and Permaisuri walking in and was suddenly filled with irrational pride that our king & queen got invited to the ceremony

5. Everybody stuffing up the words to all the hymns

6. Finally seeing the mysterious DRESS. Which was :O:O

7. Kate's dad beaming from ear to ear when he walked her down the aisle

8. The huge grin on William's face after he kissed Kate

ANYWAY

In other news, I'll be doing the 30 day song challenge! For no other reason than to post up songs I like

Day 1 - your favourite song

The Postal Service - Such Great Heights

(click the tape)

major credits to lynnie for introducing me to this greatness when we were in form 4

happy

2011-04-23T23:06:00.002+08:00

1. ankle is getting better

2. loving the new climbing shoes

3. mom in perth = good food everyday

whee!

mes reve ♥

2011-04-18T20:55:00.000+08:00

A Dance For One. from LOVER® on Vimeo.

courtesy of steph

2011-04-16T13:46:00.001+08:00

cette est la vie now

lolvetica

2011-04-14T20:26:00.004+08:00

not a graphic designer in any way (except maybe in the wannabe way) but this was pretty funny to me

50 reasons not to date a graphic designer:

1. They are very weird people.
2. There are billions of them in the world, like colors on the screen of your computer.
3. They will analyse conversations in layers.
4. You will spend the day assembling furniture from IKEA.
5. They drink and eat all kinds of weird shit just because they like the packaging.
6. They hate each other.
7. You’ll come out the last out of the movies because you have to see the full list of credits.
8. They cant change a light bulb or without making a sketch.
9. They fuck up all the tables with their cutters.
10. They rather study the paisley pattern on your outfit than listen to what you have to say.
11. They will fill your house with magazines and whatever is out there that has drawings.
12. You never know if it is really an original or a copy.
13. They make collages with your photos.
14. They do not know how to add and subtract, they just understand letters.
15. They idolize people who nobody knows and speak of them as if they were his colleagues.
16. They take pictures almost daily and all are cut in weird shapes.
17. They ask your opinion about everything but they do whatever they want.
18. Everything is left justified, right or center unless they arrive late.
19. They hate Comic Sans with the same passion they love Helvetica.
20. They use iPhone for everything, because everyone has one.
21. You can not decorate the house without consulting them.
22. They steal street signs.
23. Always carry their hands painted with something.
24. They buy dolls unfinished for them to paint.
25. Everything becomes something other than what it really is: cards as tickets, cards as …
26. When arguing, you will be nicknamed like the OSX spinning wheel (not affectionately)
27. Do not know how to dress without consulting the Pantone book.
28. They hate Excel.
29. They read comics.
30. They want to save the world only with a poster.
31. You will spend the day brainstorming.
32. On vacation they will take you to countries that you do not know exist and have no beach.
33. Museums are their second home.
34. They know more positions than the Kamasutra.
35. They can’t go to a restaurant without secretly critiquing the menu design.
36. They listen to music you have never heard of.
37. They can´t cook a normal dish, they always have to experiment with new ingredients.
38. They read rare books: stories of children, Semiotics …
39. When they are going to tell you something, everyone has read it in their facebook and twitter.
40. They have own iPods before you knew they existed.
41. The orgasm they remember is when they heard that Adobe was acquiring Macromedia.
42. They have their own shops just for them and there are the most expensive in the city.
43. They want to spend all the money in the Apple Store.
44. You will never understand their gifts.
45. They see ordinary objects and laugh.
46. You wake up in the middle of the night hearing them screaming “When is the deadline?”
47. They see CMYK and RGB like Neo sees the Matrix.
48. They dream of the day nobody will make a single change to their designs.
49. They rather pay for a font than for a special birthday gift.
50. They are always sleepy because they work 24/7.

from here

bolded the ones that have any micron of relevance to my life :P because the designer in me wants to be part of the cool designer gang so badly!

heilvetica!

the secret

2011-04-13T21:39:00.004+08:00

could make a huge difference to someone who's sad

weird!

2011-04-13T01:11:00.002+08:00

today: Parkinson's patient - her neurologist's name is Dr Knight

today: watching Love and Other Drugs - about a Parkinson's patient - who visits a GP named Dr Knight

top 10 best movies of all time ever forever

2011-04-12T23:41:00.003+08:00

1.little miss sunshine

2.juno

6. amelie

best movies = movies that make you love the characters and their lives so much that you wish there was more of the movie than there is and you go hunting for deleted scenes and google the script so that you can read the few extra bits that were cut

time to stop watching movies and get productive!

deux

2011-04-10T14:52:00.002+08:00

blehhh. i think i need to take my poor slr out more. it's all covered in dust :s still not getting the hang of lomoing! the colors aren't as crazy as hipstamatic colors but the light leaks really look like light leaks. maybe there's a secret additional step that's missing? mayyybe.

in other news, i had my first ever GP visit in perth! (as a patient) and she sent me for some xrays and ct, but there's no fracture or ligament or tendon damage so this foot pain remains a mystery still :( hope it goes away soon or i'll never be able to wear heels again and then all my nice shoes will go to waste

also went for a 21st celebration last night. it's no fun when your voice at maximum volume is still softer than the music. conversing is quite hard and awkward and people probably don't like having to go "what??" and lean closer everytime you say something. i wish i could sonorus myself but maybe not to such large amplification, just a lil bit.

weather is getting colder yay!